Your Mom Is Usually Right

What's one lesson you remembering hearing growing up?

For me, it was the lesson of stop caring what others think of you. Yeah sure. Tell that to an insecure 13-year-old girl trying to make friends, meet boys, and be popular. I was the type of girl that would do whatever the "in" thing was just to be cool. I would NOT vocalize my own opinion and would avoid confrontation like the black plague. 

It wasn't until the last year when it all clicked together. Well, for the most part, because let's be honest, I still have my moments. 

George Floyd's death rocked the world. No matter what side of the aisle you are on politically, the color of your skin, old or young, it had some effect on your life. For most people around the world, they felt empathy for a man and his family. 

I wept with my friends of color; I wept for people of color that I didn't know; mothers, fathers, children, grandparents. I put in the work. I took a diversity course that took me a month to finish. It was hard and uncomfortable, but I finished and learned from it. I could no longer sit back quietly. I could no longer NOT vocalize my thoughts. It was no longer ok to be just anti-racist, but it was time to be anti-racist and, most importantly, an ally to people of color. I have three boys looking up to me to learn how to be empathic and treat all people with respect. 

Empathy is raw emotion, a vulnerable choice, and the essence of what it means to be human. To be empathic, you are stepping outside of your own feelings, your own beliefs, and you are truly feeling the emotion of someone else or a group of people. 

I saw friends post on social media with an audience that was supportive and received generally positive feedback. I was going to do this. I was going to start vocalizing my thoughts. I gave myself a pep talk like, "alright girl, you got this, it's just Facebook, and you are just sharing a picture, meme, or your opinion, no biggie." Boy, was I wrong.  I was heartbroken by the number of negative comments I was receiving. I had friends, family, and people coming out of the woodworks that I hadn't talked to in years questioning me. I cried, like the ugly cry where you can't even catch your breath. 

What did I just do? I called my mom and do you know what she said? "So what? Why do you care what they think" SO WHAT! SO WHAT! Clearly, she didn't realize how much courage it took to post a Facebook status (trust me, I know it sounds ridiculous after the fact). Like, mom, I don't need your pep talk about how I shouldn't care. But she was right. 

Social media is an angel and devil all wrapped into a pretty package. You get the good, bad, and ugly of a person. People can hide behind a computer screen and post hateful and hurtful things that they otherwise wouldn't say to a person's face. Not only were we dealing with George Floyd, but we were dealing with a political climate that was hot and not hot in a good way. 

I remember seeing a Facebook post from family or a friend, I can't remember, saying that people who went to college are like parrots; they just repeat information. I was devastated. I went to college. Does this person think that I'm a parrot? Was this person directly saying that about me? Of course, my mom said, "Who cares. Do they REALLY know you as a person? If they did, they wouldn't think that of you."

Maybe the wisdom coming from my mother was, in fact, true. I started to let the negative go. I stopped caring what others thought of me because I was being my authentic self. I stopped caring if people thought I was putting too much information out there. I stopped worrying if people thought I had my shit together as a mom because, let's be honest, I'm a shit show. I stopped caring if the perfect photo was posted because I'm beautiful, double chin, c-section flab, and all. 

You see, if someone really truly knows you, knows your heart, they aren't going to care if you disagree with their beliefs. They love you for you. It's also ok if someone doesn't like you. I really don't like some people. Some people have negative energy surrounding them, and it doesn't have a place in my life. That's ok too. Don't get me wrong, there are days that I struggle. I look at a post from a friend or family and think, are they talking about me? I immediately go into this insecure mode. I have to snap my big butt out of it. There are people out there that don't like me and I'm ok with that. I'm starting to love myself more and and care less whether someone likes me or not. It only took half my life. 

I should have listened to my parents all those years ago.

I will leave you with this little piece of advice that I can only hope my boys will master a lot sooner than I did: Be fearless when it comes to life and careless when it comes to what people think of you and say about you.